About

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My name is Bruxy (a.k.a., Boo - thanks to my sisters for that enduring family nickname). It's nice to "meet" you here!

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The writings on 1820.life are a group effort. I'm just the message boy. More about that on the "small church" page. For now, here's a bit more about me and about us. 

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I first began this project as personal therapy. Writing about Jesus was one of the few things I found could help me push out some dark thoughts. From early on, a group of gracious, strong, loving, merciful people began discussing these writings with me, giving me input, and helping me "practice what I preach". This accountable community of amazing Jesus-followers have now become an integral part of the 1820 project and everything you read on this site has their fingerprints all over it. 

 

Beyond this, you should also know that I am human, and rumour has it, so are you. So, we already know two things about one another:

1. We are infinitely valuable, wildly creative, amazingly powerful, glorious and God-like image-bearers of our Creator. 

2. We are broken, weak, flawed, and far from perfect. Something is wrong with everything about us. It's like there is a flaw in our code. To some extent, we all self-sabotage and pass on our hurt to others around us. It's a pickle. 

I know these extremes about our identity because I have seen it, and because I have lived it. 

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We are exploring both of these human realities on this site, using the teachings of Jesus as our guide.

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Jesus has a line in his Sermon on the Mount where he says:

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"Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect."
~ JESUS (Matthew 5:48)

 

I am, frankly, obsessed with understanding the meaning of this seemingly impossible, paradoxical, command. It functions as the central theme for the Sermon on the Mount and seems like the key to understanding so much of Jesus' teaching. (See our study here for a deep dive into this one line.) 

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Why 1820? The number refers to a Bible verse, Matthew 18:20, where Jesus says:

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"Wherever two or three gather in my name, 
I am there in the middle with them."
~ JESUS (Matthew 18:20)

 

In context, these groups of two or three are on mercy missions to help lost sheep find their way home. I love that image. And Jesus says that when we gather together in compassionate, Christ-centred, gracious spaces, when we come together to love the lost and the left-out, he is spiritually and fully present with us. (For more on this verse, see our first devotional study.)

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I know I need more of this 1820 experience in my life. I need to be pursued with grace when I wander. And I need to be on the lookout for others who need compassion and kindness rather than judgement and condemnation. How about you? (See our Small Church page for ways to get connected.)

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Lastly, if you find the writings on this site helpful, please see our "How You Can Help" page for information on ... well ... you guessed it. 

 

That's it. That's enough of an intro. I hope you are able to benefit from the work put into the studies on this site. And if you have any comments or questions, please be in touch. I would love to hear from you! 

 

Grace, Mercy, & Peace,

Bruxy

 

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Below are some extra intro thoughts that didn't make the cut for this page. I just don't know where to put them yet. One day I'll figure out how to work a web site. Until then, just ignore (or read) the rest....

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Our intuition, our lived experience, and the world around us confirm both truths of humanity's heights and depths. Yes we are sinners, but that is only half the story. We are also created to be saints. Something is right and wrong with us. We live with this paradox every day. If we slow down enough, we sense the low hum of dis-ease within us, giving us the sense that "something is off". And when we look around us, the local and world news confirms our sense of "offness". 

 

Something is not just "off" with our own lives, but with every human and therefore every collective expression of humanity: from from politics to economics to religion to culture to our legal system. Every form of human society reveals the two fundamental truths that humans are made for greatness, glory, and creativity, and that humans have the ability to ruin everything we touch. 

 

Since "1820" is short form for authentic and compassionate community, here and there in the writings on this site I share about my experience of this immense glory and grossness in my own life. 

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For instance, I grew up in a beautifully loving and yet deeply dysfunctional home. In my young adult years I gave my skills as a habitual researcher and decent communicator over to doing God's good work. I helped two churches grow in depth and breath, only to mess that all up with my moral failure. 

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I have experienced public praise and public ridicule, legal battles, psychological distress, and relational heartache. I suffer mostly from self-inflicted wounds, though some others have helped along the way. Bottom line, I'm a mess. But I am also discovering that suffering, especially from self-inflicted wounds, can be a good teacher, and I am learning so much. 

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So this web site is a gracious space for the encouragement of those of us who struggle with hardship, failure, and forgiveness, and who are aware of our own need for grace, mercy, and peace. This is not a place for judgement and divisiveness, but for those of us who want to learn and grow together in the compassionate way of Jesus. In short, this is where, along with the input of others, I share some of my processing on the gospel principles of repentance (literally "rethinking", leading to regret for past sins and a recommitment to a new direction in life), faith, forgiveness, grace, mercy, peace, reconciliation, and restoration. My hope is that you're here because you see how much we all need a little more of these gospel values in our lives.

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Over the past few of years, part of my therapy has been journaling on what I am learning from Jesus, specifically through a focus on his teachings in the Sermon on the Mount. That therapeutic and personal process has grown into "the Ghost of 1820".

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As I say on my "How You Can Help" page, over the last few years I have been trying to rebuild what I have broken and repent of what I have done wrong, while also defending myself against accusations of things I have not done, and this all has taken a toll on my emotional energy. Every day is different - some are dark and defeating and others have an increasing level of lightness to them. I often feel like I'm playing a game of emotional "Snakes & Ladders". Two steps forward, and sometimes a lot of steps back. 

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We must bear patiently not being good, and not being thought good.

~ Saint Francis of Assisi

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As I mentioned, this project began as a part of my therapy, alongside many months of actual therapy, spiritual direction, and soul searching accountable fellowship (all still ongoing). When the dark and defeating thoughts are all I hear, I have found that the mental and emotional discipline of really staring into the life and teachings of Jesus has become a powerful way to dispel the darkness. Meditating on the teachings of Jesus word-by-word has become for me life-saving and life-giving by helping my heavy heart and my darkened mind focus on the Light. And by getting to know Jesus better, I am able to bring who I have been and who I am becoming into that light of love. I don't have to hide any more. I not only see Jesus better, I see myself and everything else with more clarity and with more compassion. 

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Whoever is willing to serenely bear the trial of being displeasing to herself, that person is a pleasant place of shelter for Jesus.  

~ Saint Thérèse of Lisieux

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Some time ago on a different site, I posted my confession and repentance statement - and I meant every word of it.  Now on this site, I am getting to live out my repentance and renewing my mind as I go. I am often asked if/when I think I might return to pastoral ministry, and my answer is that I think it is far too early for me to even consider that issue. What I'm doing here I do as a lay person, blogging and hopefully helping others who are also feeling like a coal away from the fire. Although I am deeply broken and healing quite slowly (which is fine with me, I am in no rush), I also resonate with the prophet Jeremiah when he says:

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But if I say, “I will not mention his word or speak anymore in his name,”
his word is in my heart like a fire, a fire shut up in my bones.
I am weary of holding it in; indeed, I cannot.
~ The Prophet Jeremiah (Jeremiah 20:9)
 

So, expressing what I'm learning helps me and, if you choose to read along, I do hope these writings might help you too.  And maybe together we can experience what the apostle Paul says about how staring into the personhood of Jesus changes us:

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Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. And we all, who with unveiled faces contemplate the Lord’s glory, are being transformed into his image with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit.
~ The apostle Paul (2 Corinthians 3:17-18)

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The word for "contemplate" here means to stare into a mirror. We can perceive God's glory when we look at what he is doing in our own lives! Together, we are the temple of God's Spirit (1 Corinthians 3:16-17; 6:19; 15:1; Ephesians 2:19; 3:10; 1 Timothy 3:15; 1 Peter 2:5; 2 Peter 1:3-15), and together we are the body of Christ (1 Corinthians 12; Colossians 1:17-18). 

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Look closely, and you will see evidence of God at work in your life. 

 

Then look closely at Jesus, and you will see what God is like. When we look at Jesus we see a clear vision of the glory of God (Matthew 11:17; John 1:18) AND a clear vision of the kind of glorious people we are becoming (Romans 8:29). ​In the words of Jesus: "When you look at me, you're looking at the One who sent me" (John 12:45).  And this is what the Holy Spirit loves to do in our lives: help us see Jesus so Jesus can help us see God. And the result is, we also see ourselves as finally free of all the weight of our own shameful baggage, religious accusation, and satanic condemnation. We really can be FREE from it all!

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So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed.
~ JESUS (John 8:36)

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Just before Jesus declares himself to be our Liberator in John 8:36, he says this freedom will happen when we get to know and follow the truth of his teaching (John 8:31-32). That is the journey I am on and what this site is all about, and what the Holy Spirit wants to help us all experience. (For more on who we are and who we are becoming in Christ, see John 14-15; Romans 6:2-14; 1 Corinthians 12:26; 2 Corinthians 5:14-21; Galatians 2:20; 3:27-28; Ephesians 2:6; 4:15; Colossians 2:9-10; 3:1-4; 1 John 3:1-2; 4:17 for starters.)

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​The "1820 Studies" are initially researched and written by me, then I submit them for discussion and discernment to a growing number of gracious, mature, and supportive sisters and brothers. I learn so much from these beautiful people, and their thoughts are then woven back into each study. So the end result is that the material on this site is a team effort and a family enterprise. I welcome your involvement too. Comment on posts or write me any time. 

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After a couple of initial studies about mercy and warm fellowship (both of which I need so much), I began a thought-by-thought walkthrough of the Sermon on the Mount. I need to go back to the heart of it all and press the reset button on everything. These thoughts are for me first and foremost, but you are welcome to eavesdrop and offer input. Perhaps we can heal and grow together.

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I wish you an abundance of faith, hope, & love. 

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Grace, Mercy, & Peace,

Bruxy

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